Okay, it’s not so desperate as all that. It’s May, though, and that means BUSY at a school, let me tell you. So, once again, I’m coming home with very little left, trying to edit while I recover, and then dragging my backside back to work.
I’m totally blaming that for the fact that I haven’t blogged in a…bit.
That, and the fact that I’m just dragging in general the last month or so. The brain gremlins have been on the move, and it takes a lot to fight them off.
Periodically in this blog, I decide to be completely honest and up front. Not to be all cheerful if I’m not feeling it, not to sugarcoat how things are going, just to say what I’m feeling. Inevitably, it seems, I drift back to the cheerful patter. It’s a combination, I suppose, of not liking to feel vulnerable, and also not thinking that my not-good times are in any way useful to share. Who cares? We’re all having a tough time. No one needs to read about my tough time in particular, honestly.
But maybe someone does. It certainly helps me to write that lately everything is pointless, and though I know logically that is not the case, my heart and soul are not wanting to get on board. I can write it out, and I can write out my answers, that I still love this book though the editing goes on forever, that work will calm down again, that trudging through the stop-spending and stop-eating-garbage challenges I’m going through will pay off in the end. And I can believe it, some. It does help. And maybe, just maybe, it’ll help one person who reads this, too. So whytf not?
Anyway, there it is. Maybe with more familiarity, I’ll put things out there more, and stop running from the blog when I’m not feeling great. And maybe I’ll get to feeling great. Who knows?
So, TL;DR, not feeling great but I struggle on, as so many of us are doing. <3
*hugshugshugshugshugs* The brain gremlins are having quite the year, aren’t they? I know I had my worst December and January since I made Skidoo, and my worst February through April in literal decades. Seriously, since, like, 1995 or 6.
I haven’t told you, but Skidoo is a life-saving (life-preserving?) squid. He sat in a bag, just 7 arms poking out of the top. No tentacles, no fins, no body. An incomplete rainbow of arms, just sitting by my desk for weeks on end. Untouched, but silently reminding me that I wasn’t allowed to die until I finished him. And of course, as he (and I) knew, by the time I had the energy to knit enough to finish him, things were much better and I could go on without his constant prodding. Give him a hug for me, and remind him that he’s supposed to work for you too.
So, TL;DR back at you, hang in there. It really will get better again. And I hope that happens super duper soon. *hugs again*
*HUG* love you.