I had a lot of plans for when I (finally!) turned my book in. Just like I always do. I would read! I would write for fun! I would edit! I would go to movies and do things and life would be marvelous!
I’m…working on it. After so long of trying NOT to do all those things (except edit) it’s kind of hard to get into any other routine.
Funny enough, I’ve bought books. I’ve gotten several from the library too. Same with movies. I’ve made grand plans to clean my room, clean my house, start a garden…but I haven’t really followed through on any of my grand plans. Oh, I’ve watched a couple movies. I’m all caught up on the MCU and ready to go see Black Panther this weekend. Also need to get my hands on the Last Jedi. I read a book (nonfiction) because the library wanted it back and wouldn’t let me renew it.
But mostly I’m just sitting around reading my own old stuff. Flame. Srivasi. Fidelis. Just…saying hello to old friends, I guess. Sometimes it’s infuriating. I love this story, I want to read the rest! Can’t someone else just…write it for me? Other times it’s just joyful. It’s there, I wrote the whole thing and I get to read it and it’s wonderful!
…then it turns to “so if it’s all here, why haven’t I shared it?” I try to stomp on that thought quickly. We’re trying to avoid pressure, here.
Sometimes it’s sad. I have stories I’ve read so many times, I just can’t bring myself to read them again. And I can’t pick it back up if I can’t stand to read what I already wrote, can I? But maybe one day…so nothing ever gets completely given up on.
I feel like I’m in the mopey recovery bit of my own story. The great deed is done, but the wounds suffered in the doing were great and will never fully heal, so Frodo and I are sailing–no, wait. It’s a great story, but it wasn’t THAT great a deed, finally publishing it. And fortunately there were no Ringwraiths. So, um…remember that part in Bridge to Terabithia where–
Yeah, no. Let’s not even go into that book.
Anyway. I’m fine. And getting moreso. And I’ve got a library book due Sunday, so I should go do something about that.
With love and little squids…