I almost got through the day yesterday without realizing it was Father’s Day. How, I don’t know, once I remembered, it seemed like it was on every TV channel, every station on the radio. Even then, I was hurting, but okay–until I saw this one commercial. That wasn’t even about Father’s Day.
You’ve probably seen it. It’s one of those “Plastics make it possible” ads. Where the doctors are able to deliver a dose of radiation to the tumor and only the tumor, in the lady’s brain. And the commercial has flashes of memories, of her long life with her husband. I just started bawling.
It’s not fair, damn it! I never thought I was that hung up on “fair,” as far as how the world treats me. Life isn’t, I’ve always known that. Or at least, I’ve known it from the day my mother died. She drank wine once in a while, never smoked, worked hard, and died of a blood clot at thirty-four, after attempting to go back to school. Leaving behind three children and a husband who was lost without her.
It’s NOT FAIR! I know people older than me, who have never lost anyone close to them. Damn it, I understand everyone has their problems, but why couldn’t losing my mom at twelve be enough for the next thirty or so years? I spent years being ignored by my dad, while he tried to cope with my mother’s death. One year of high school, I wore a pair of black sweat pants I patched myself nearly the whole year, because I didn’t have anything else that fit. And I alternated a pair of heels and a pair of snow boots, because those were all the shoes I had.
I’m not usually the type to feel sorry for myself. But damn it, I deserve a break once in a while! I thought I’d gotten one, when I got my job at the school. But I work more for less, now, than when Chris was getting his full SSI money, we were on foodstamps and cash assistance, all of us were insured, and Hope’s day-care was paid. And I was working twenty hours a week, and Chris was doing pretty damn good, because he was with the people he loved and needed so much. Then I seized the chance to improve our lives. Ha!
Don’t let anyone fool you. The government rewards people for sitting on their butts and collecting from the government. If they try to become a contributing member of society, they will be stomped on until they quit twitching.
And don’t lie to yourself, when you see someone who needs help. Take some responsibility, because no one else will. If you’ve ever tried to get help with anything, you know what I mean. Try getting help with a computer glitch, if you don’t believe me. The software company will tell you it’s the hardware, the hardware people will tell you it’s the ISP, they’ll all run you around in circles, and heaven forfend they should actually speak a language you understand…
Didn’t someone say the most potent curse ever is “May you get what you deserve”? I wish that for all of you. May you reap what you sow. Whether that is a blessing or a curse, is completely up to you.