By KD, on May 3rd, 2012 (Okay, maybe a little expurgating happened before I actually posted. But not much!)
Do marathon runners miss running? I was sitting here thinking how it felt to finally finish Lukas and Alan yesterday, and trying to describe the “omg, what?” feeling, the realization that I’ve stopped typing for a reason, and no, I don’t need to get back to work.
Last night I finished and I didn’t tell anyone at first. My awesome supportive roommate was right here and I didn’t tell her. My less-supportive-but-she-tries kid was here too, and I didn’t say anything. I wandered outside. Wandered back in and stood in the kitchen alone, feeling the feels.
I’m familiar with the let-down of finishing a novel. I ought to be! This time–maybe because the story has been kicking my butt–this one was more intense. It’s akin to losing a loved one (though please note, AKIN not EQUAL TO and I’d much prefer to finish a novel than lose a loved one ANY DAY KTHX)
Yeah, I don’t even know; I’m babbling. I know there’s denial. “I’m done? No, I’m not. That’s not where I meant to end. Although it is a BETTER place to end…but if I end there I am done and I can’t be done…”
There’s bargaining. “I’m not done, I have to fix that one thing. Oh, and look, there’s that, I should fix that.”
Definitely there’s depression. Last night I stood in the kitchen and stared at the ceiling and tried to remember what people who are not writing books DO. (I was standing with my back to a bunch of dirty dishes, but SHHHH. If you ignore them they DO NOT EXIST.)
Anger–well, I guess my feeling of “oh hell, if I’m done I have to do the damn dishes” would count?
Acceptance… well, I guess? Maybe? Eventually? Once I dive into something else. >_>
Perhaps it is not true of all writers, but this writer, when she is not writing, is a lost soul.
By KD, on May 1st, 2012
You know how some writers are afraid editors will mess up their work? That’s not me, but there are other writers–or perhaps usually the same writers–who are determined to write what they want in every way. Whatever they want, and whether it’s pretentious codswallop or a non-linear hallucinatory memoir of their time in the Secret Octopus Service, they don’t want to be edited–and they don’t want to be told what to write.
Now, I’m a firm believer in editing. I love my betas and I send them virtual chocolate and hugs often. But the other half of that–yeah. I resemble that remark.
I’m going to write SF, except it won’t be like OTHER people’s SF. The only reason it’s SF is the spaceships. I’m going to write fantasy, but it’s also going to have gay romance in it, and oh, a touch of smut, but it’s not going to end well, so it won’t fit in THAT market… and on, and on.
So I stumbled on this today, looking for something else. It’s from, coincidentally enough, another 750 words (which is how I’m tyiping this, in my 750 words.)
Big note to self–PICK SOMETHING. It won’t be such an issue elsewhere. We COULD write some m/m romances…but then will they follow me when I write whatever I want?
Have you noticed how happy you’ve been writing Lukas and Alan, a contemporary m/m suggested by a prompt and a picture? You’re always worried about writing what you want, but you seem perfectly happy writing most things. So get on it, and write some more audience-appealing books! I can make any book in the Dream’verse about anything else I want, and madly enjoy it. So I shall.
I’m tired. And grumpy. But I’ve got this. Gonna be a good day.
Right. So. Pick something. I’ll do it.
So there’s that. Apparently as long as I’m writing, I’m happy. I’m not saying I’m gonna take requests, now. I still want to write Dream’verse and Fidelis and Hiro and all that stuff. I’m just saying…
Well, maybe I will take some requests. At some point. KD Sarge, writing slut?
It could happen.
By KD, on April 22nd, 2012
I’m trying to get this story done. It is progressing! Just so slowly… I remember with fondness the days when I wrote 800 words every work day and about 2k on days I didn’t work. I try to tell myself I write better now, but I’m not sure that’s true. I mean yes, I’ve improved as a writer, but have I improved so much that it’s okay I spend ALL DAY but for four hours on a lousy 1k? WHEN I AM ALREADY PAST DEADLINE?
Sigh.
Anyway. That’s what I’m doing. My blog has been dark, my forums unvisited, and Twitter has all but forgotten my name, just because these boys just won’t. go. faster.
I think it’s gonna be worth it, though, when people finally get to read. XD
By KD, on April 18th, 2012
…when your stats take a nose-dive. It’s a really funny-looking dive, too. The graph looks like this over three days:
_|_
Hmm…
Well, anyway. I noticed that Goodreads hasn’t been pulling my posts, and I wonder if my feed is somehow messed up and causing the issue. Anyone who actually got here (or did get this in your feed) having any trouble? Or is it just the internets telling me something? 
By KD, on April 14th, 2012 So a while back I talked about the awesome Set Phasers to LOL. I barely mentioned then, and I’ve not mentioned a few times since, a truly annoying thing that keeps popping up. Sometimes it’s veiled. Sometimes it’s not so much.
see more Set Phasers To Lol
Get over this, okay? Because “girls” go to sci fi conventions. Plenty of “girls” love SF. You know why? Because plenty of girls have brains.
Now, I realize I’m reading a lot of assumptions into one macro made by one clueless, superior, slightly subtle misogynist. But from the lady (!) who assumed that the Game of Thrones TV show throws in the sex (’cause it wasn’t there before?) to lure in women who wouldn’t watch the show otherwise to the idea in this article that having a sense of humor about your Star Wars fan-ness means you’ll never get laid again (Scroll down to the mounted animal heads), there is a prevailing silly idea STILL that geekery is the sole province of the boys.
Screw that. This is MY Team Edward.
see more Set Phasers To Lol
Yes, I’m an actual girl. I’ve even borne a child. My first date with my husband was all three remastered original trilogy Star Wars movies in the theater.
I’m sick to death of the idea that all girls like the same things. Dudes, try and make me sit through a Twilight movie. I dare you. There are girls who like it, yes. That’s their right. I am not one of them. My movies need explosions.
(Image from here, where other awesome girls await.)
Here’s a real mind-bender, but I think you’re ready for it. Girls–known in some places as WOMEN–are people! We are self-aware! We have brains. Intelligence. Personalities. We do not all have the same tastes!
Here are some other geek girls.
see more Set Phasers To Lol
Megan Fox, comic nerd.
And to defend our beloved boy-geeks, just ask yourself this–if one of these girl-geeks is looking for some masculine companionship, where is she going to go? Is she going to pick a jock, or someone who actually knows that Han shot first?
Now…are we clear? Because if not, there’s one more geek girl who would like to talk to you.
Now are we clear? Good. Then fetch me a spork. And also a shrubbery.
By KD, on April 12th, 2012 What do you do when your treasured child, your darling daughter, your handsome and sweet son, announces he’s gay?
Say you love him/her. Do it now. That child you have loved all her life, that baby you guarded and toddler you chased, is standing there afraid they’ve done the one thing Mom and Dad can’t forgive and they haven’t even done anything.
This is your child. Tell them you love them. Then you can tell them you need some time.
I’m writing this because I’m getting a lot of hits on a rant I posted a few days ago, about how young children can know they are gay. I hope that post is helping people. I hope this one will.
So. If you’re here looking for advice, it’s probable the announcement already happened. If you said hurtful things instead of “I love you,” please go tell your baby you love them. Go now. “I’m sorry I said things without thinking. I don’t know if I mean them, but I do know I love you.” Or take out “I don’t know if I mean them.” But maybe you’re not there yet.
Back? Now take some deep breaths. Is this still the child who made you laugh till you cried putting curlers on the dog? Yes. Is this still the angel you cuddled through the night when he had a fever at three and only Mommy/Daddy’s arms would do? Yes.
This is your cherished child. Don’t you dare toss them out in the street for something they can’t control.* You didn’t toss him out when his toddler judgment led him to coloring the TV like Elmo, did you? Did you toss her and all her stuff in the street when her curling iron set fire to the bathroom due to adolescent carelessness?
Okay. When you’re ready, read this. Read it to the end, then read the related articles.
If your problem with your child’s orientation is based in the Christian faith, realize that we’ve gotten a lot of things wrong over the years, and perpetuated them until they’re enshrined. Think about it. Christ said the two important commandments were Love God and Love Your Neighbor, but the hating of gays stems from their love of the “wrong” persons. That doesn’t make any sense. This scholar goes back to the source, the original Biblical texts, and shows us how we’ve got it wrong. Is he right and much of history wrong? Well, HIS conclusions align much more closely with the teachings of Christ, so I’m thinking he’s onto something.
I can’t offer arguments for other religions, I’m sorry. I’m sure they’re out there, but I do feel that love article covers it all anyway.
My daughter announced at ten that she is bisexual. For years I’ve mostly snickered where she couldn’t see, because when she got in trouble for her refusal to acknowledge personal boundaries, it was always boys she was glomping. Then last weekend she asked me if she could have a girlfriend. (I told her she’s too young, for the record. The same thing I told her when she wanted to have a boyfriend. Though the boy who would be her boyfriend if I let her have a boyfriend is completely okay with her having a girlfriend too. Kids these days, I tell you. )
Now. I’m hoping that with some reading and some deep breathing you’ve come to realize this is just another bump in the road of child-raising. Hey, you figured out years ago that it’s no piece of cake, right? And really–is this the worst thing they could have told you? They haven’t beaten someone to death for the fun of it, as teens have been known to do. They’re not out setting stray cats on fire or writing racist epithets all over the bathroom walls at school. On the grand scale of Things Your Child Has Done Now, this is just not a big deal. Nowadays it’s not even an end to your dream of grandchildren.
Now realize–and this is horrible–that your child is in danger. Because of the foolish ideas so many have perpetuated unthinking, there are people all around who think there is something wrong with your child and they have the right to fix it by any means necessary.
Get ready to go on the warpath, Mom. Get your stomping boots on, Dad.
We can change that culture of hate. We parents, who love our children no matter what, can change that. In the meantime, though, we’ve got to be ready.
So do you have your child’s back?
*I’m not debating the morality here, or saying they’ll outgrow this. I’m saying this is still your beloved child. Nothing has changed but your perception.
By KD, on April 10th, 2012 Kid’s band concert, doctor appointment, business meetings, work…why are there all these things in my schedule when I have a deadline? Who did this?
…oh. Right.
Uhh…have a bit of Louder than Sirens, Louder than Bells? It’s now past 30,000 words, oops.
Saturday dawned with low threatening clouds, but it was dry and the weather report said we’d have sun by afternoon. The leaves had hit their peak, and the air had a nip that would feel good when I was sweating my way up Two-Face. I had to get up early to fit everything in, but I honestly wasn’t sorry to be spending my day on the rocks. As I tossed my equipment bag in the truck, I tried to remember why I’d stopped climbing in the first place. Lilia came onto the porch with the big picnic basket, not the little lunch I’d packed.
“Aunt Lilia—”
“You said Alan would be there. He doesn’t eat enough.”
“He ate everything in sight on Labor Day and was looking for more.”
“That just proves someone’s not feeding him right.”
I didn’t tell her he worked at Quikburger and had access to all the calories he could possibly need. I just put the basket in the back of the truck and hoped she hadn’t gotten too creative. Lilia baked with the best of them. Cooking was another story. I kissed her temple and got in the truck before she went back for another installment.
As I drove, I wondered about Lilia and Alan. It was no surprise that he adored her. She fed him cookies, patted and praised him and spoiled him—what self-respecting college student wouldn’t return the love? The surprising part was that she acted like that. When I moved in Lilia had told me we had a business arrangement—that she expected us to be friends, but she wasn’t a grandmother and she didn’t mean to be. She liked meeting my friends, and she liked the praise when she baked for them. But I’d never seen her do the supposedly-standard old lady fattening-up process before she met Alan. If Mallory, who was built like a gazelle, never had a piece of pie pushed on her…
Maybe Lilia had just spotted Alan’s near-poverty a month before I had. It would be just like her to see his pride and use her harmless-old-woman looks to get around it.
|
|
