Perhaps We Should Run Away Again

For MY mental health, I need to withdraw. Also my head hurts and it is pissing me off. KD retreat day, for the moment at least. I will get away from everything and take my writing in there and get my ass back into the editing that I took too much time from. I need to learn not to do that–just take a day here and there, not drop it till I’m done with other thing. I need to learn to work on multiple projects. I am a writer, dammit. And I’m going to beat the child with ALL THE SPOONS.*

From day 64 (yay!) of my 64-day-streak, that’s some of today’s 750words. That also is a sign.

Those close to me know I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. Deadlines are coming at me faster and faster, work has been a constipated bear going through nicotine withdrawal, and it seems like all of my friends are having crises at the same time. (This is not true–it’s just how it seems of late.)

One reason I tend to limit my friendships is because I am an all-or-nothing kind of girl. If you’re my friend, you get all I’ve got when you need me. One can only afford so many of those kind of friends–and I have a helluva time drawing a line. The idea that this friend gets me running out at 2 a.m. on a weeknight to snuggle her till she stops hurting, but this one only gets “sorry life sucks feel better” doesn’t sit well with me.

Anyone who knows anything will tell you that you have to take care of yourself in situations like that. If you give all you’ve got too often, soon you have nothing to give.

My mental health is important. I can’t be there for others if I haven’t taken time for myself. This can be a very fluid thing, but in that case I need to monitor it carefully. If I don’t notice I’m on thin ice, I can get to bitey pretty quickly. When you’re dealing with friends in fragile headspaces, “bitey” is a very bad thing.

So. Today KD runs away, or at least hides in her room for some quality time with the voices in her head.

The only reason I’m still here (in the living room on the desktop)  is I’m charging up my MP3 player.

*This is a joke, btw. We held a family meeting where I threatened her with a slotted spoon every time she interrupted someone, but I did not beat her then nor did I beat her today and dear lork the fact that I think I need to explain that is proof positive I need to WALK AWAY for a while.